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AcceptanceAlright.Acceptance by Ogrefairy
Hey guys. I'm doing a little better than when I made that last journal, I really appreciate all of your comments and support. I'm sorry that I didn't respond to them but I read them all. Thank you.
So. I recently had a fairly devastating nervous breakdown.
This past year has been very hard on me. Since August I have hardly been able to leave my bed for various reasons and I've found myself in this situation once again. It gets... tiring. I haven't been well and I've been too embarrassed and afraid to ask for help. Instead I've lied and gave people false optimism, when I wasn't too busy hiding and willing it all to disappear. I've wanted to tell the truth and ask for help and talk plainly but old habits die hard.
I've been told to see a therapist many times but what do you do if the reason behind getting into counseling in the first place was because therapists just don't seem to know what to say when being presented with cases like mine? I don't think they're regularly trained
What EDS is to meI thought I was weak.What EDS is to me by Ogrefairy
I didn't understand when I was a child. I didn't know why I was weaker than everyone else. Why I was so clumsy. Why I couldn't run like everyone else. You see, I thought that everyone felt pain through their joints when they ran. That's why I didn't understand why I was the only one who gave up. I thought I was weak. I hid my crying and I hid the injuries when I fell. I can't tell you when I first started getting injuries because I was too stubborn and embarrassed. My mom blames herself a lot because she didn't see and I didn't come to her. It's not her fault though. I just had this idea in my head that I was weak and I wanted to prove to everyone that it wasn't true.
I used to hate people telling me I was strong. I hated it so much that it would make me cry and scream. Because I wasn't strong. How could someone say that to me? I was trapped in my own weakness every day of my life. I could get terrible dislocations and sprains just from walking or drawing or even
IntroductionI once had pure energy, to run all day long;Introduction by Amazinadrielle
Had the strength to tumble, and to dance to a song.
I had been described as attention-seeking;
Yet, enigmatically shy, and hardly speaking.
I've never fitted neatly into one defined box,
And I was always the kid with the holes in her socks.
I had independence then, was free to pave my own way;
But these privileges, here, were not destined to stay.
My paved road took a turn up a steep rocky hill,
As I became the girl who was constantly ill.
Forever being injured, it felt like a curse!
I thought it was hard then, but with age, it got worse.
Now, I'm a woman still smart and still sweet;
But it's become near-impossible to spend time on my feet.
Days of running and dancing have long gone away,
As I struggle with dressing and sitting each day.
I retain a youthful face, despite my journey's trials;
I've kept my conscience, and I've not lost my smiles.
But my foggy brain rests beneath layers of haze;
Where the weeks feel like hours, and the m
Look UpThe pain never goes.Look Up by EvilChocolate46
Life is different now.
It's never quite what you expect,
But this is a total flip.
It's not what I wanted,
Not what I'd planned,
But I have found new things,
I am making new plans.
I don't know what I want now,
But I think I might
Just enjoy finding out
What lies ahead.
I can let the past go now.
What's done is done.
I hold my head high
As I look up and to the future.
Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is a group of genetic, invisible, connective tissue disorders. This means that even though sufferers look perfectly fine, they are actually dealing with chronic pain and injuries. EDS is caused by a deformity in the gene that promotes the production of collagen, or the "glue" of the human body, affecting skin, tendons, joints, and organs. The amount and severity a person is effected varies completely person to person.
Hypermobility Syndrome or Hypermobility type EDS is the most common type with symptoms of being able to hyperextend most joints in your body, dislocations, subluxations, sprains, strains, chronic pain in joints, fatigue, weakness, and lack of coordination.
For other types of EDS on top of all of those other problems there can be very stretchy, velvety skin that tears (classical type) or risk of organ rupture (vascular type) and those are just the three most common types.
There is no cure and very little treatment for EDS as it is under researched and underdiagnosed.
Why the zebra?
Medical students are taught to never assume that symptoms could mean a rare disease or disorder. In their words:
"When you hear hoof-beats think horses, not zebras." We are medical zebras.
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